Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
