Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
