i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
