sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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