***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize