I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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