come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize