He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
