I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
