i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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