it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
