Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
