So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
