So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
