You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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