he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
