how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
