Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
