he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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