i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize