so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize