did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize