i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
