Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
