whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
