the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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