lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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