She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
