He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
