Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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