listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize