Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
