I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
