i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
