He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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