that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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