I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize