I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
