I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize