on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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