after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
