lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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