that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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