Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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