It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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