It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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