i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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