Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize