that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
