Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
