I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
