happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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