So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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