Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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