Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize