Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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