Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
