have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
