what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
