I must be too annoying 4 u.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
