I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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