I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
