Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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