That's when you crack a 10am beer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
