k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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