Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How does one acquire holy water?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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