Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The best revenge is premature balding
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
