He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize