Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
