May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
