he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
