she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
