Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
