I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
