Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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