You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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