where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hippo gnu deer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize