I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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