Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
