he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
