YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
