i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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