her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
